In all reality, I am not very good at forgiving. I have too much stubborn pride that comes up at all the wrong times. But as Jesus calls us, we are to show the mercy to others that he has shown to us. Which is a lot of mercy.
I don't know if I can do it.
Well, that's kind of the point--I can't. The only way I will be able to do it is if I do it with God. This takes a lot of prayer and working through your many layers of conflicting emotions. It kinda feels like being stuck in one of those foam pits or mud puddles. You think you're making progress, then you realize you're actually sinking (aka story of my life).
The thing is, I really have to look to God this time to see what my next step is because I haven't done this before on such a large scale. The whole ordeal I'm referring to has to do with my first roommate, if you didn't catch that. All the things she said, didn't say or just did really just hurt. I've never been hurt like that before.
It was just he other day that it hit me, "Wow, I actually have to forgive her." I never thought about it until then because when you are out of the situation and it's become something of the past (since you are now moving forward) you're like, "Well, it's over. I don't have to do anything now." Yes, actually you do. I can't just shove things in my "Skeleton's Closet" or whatever they call it. I can't hide it. It has to be addressed. Too many of my friends are afraid of confrontation and leave things to fester and sore. All because of pride.
As hard as this is going to be, and how I can't do this by myself, I almost really want to thank her. For putting me into that situation and even being mean to me. How weird is that? So maybe it's not that weird, but without that whole situation I am not sure how my faith would look right now. The situation I was in was really just a catalyst for what I have now--a passion, not just a possession.
This is ultimately what we need to spread to others--the love, mercy, grace, healing and passion for Jesus.