The more I grow up and become more aware of thinking about bigger things and the bigger picture, the more things separate. They are starting to have more contrast. Granted, I am a black and white kinda person. "Yes or no answers are best", "I don't have time for miss-communications" and "Just tell me what you actually mean are common things that run through my head".
How does this relate to my spiritual life? I have all of a sudden been made aware of the separateness of my sinful flesh and the Spirit filled part of me. It's like realizing why you want to do something and seeing that that desire is not coming from the good, and while it may not be all together bad, it certainly doesn't look like the flip side--the feeling of purity that is of the Spirit that often looks like the harder choice, not to mention super counter-cultural.
With me being able see this difference more clearly--now it is almost overwhelming--I have a new perspective. I see that flesh-denial in your life is more often than not God-revival in your life. I see that some choices are more biblical, and that compromising is when we start to tread into gray areas. When you don't have the ability to separate those two very different things, no wonder life looks so confusing!
Even if you do begin to understand what I'm talking about it doesn't always make things easy. In fact, it's almost harder--you have to say no to your flesh-desires. If we are all being honest, this is where our pride and stubbornness come out. For me, I know it's the heart I have when feelings of entitlement emerge. Making the right choice anyway takes strength, strength that I don't always have. That is why so much of life is an internal struggle and why working things out can often look like a fight, or even an all out out war going on inside of us. It takes fighting that fight and wrestling with God to be able to really make the choice that reflects what we know and believe and to stay on the narrow path.
"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me. And the life I now life in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me."