Back...Next to the Track

I have a break between classes right now, which is currently being used for a time of reflection. This past week has been hard. A different type of hard than the week before, or the one before that. My week in a word? Overwhelmed. This spring time around is one in which I have the hardest classes I've had yet and a greater awareness of the responsibility and role that I have than ever before. Some days it just hits you. After moments like those, the day becomes more of a battle. The [very] small conscious part of your mind that is always sane is reminding you that it is a choice (your choice nonetheless) to become bigger and rise above than your not-so-great attitude and frustrating feelings. However much this may have been  going on (Still current? Probably...), God has shown up. He's spoken through groups of people, through the answered prayers of me asking for divine understanding of Hebrew (which I now know is the only way to really ever understand it), divine appointments with special people, surprising conversations and even the fact that sometimes He literally schedules things for me. I'm not even kidding. 

I really want to cry tears of joy for the simple fact that it's the weekend and that I made sure that although I have a few things to do, this weekend will be about resting, preparing and rebuilding. 

I still feel like that person who has no idea what the heck she's doing, but I'm starting to think that that may be something that doesn't change. Some of you may protest at this (because maybe sometimes I appear to look like I know what I'm doing), but this statement is reinforced that by the fact that I was late to one of my classes on the very first day (Why Rachel Who is Rarely Late But Is Late This Time Story #295). This semester has already been a lot about discovering that the me I thought I was going to be is a lot different than reality. It is like realizing that in the past you were on track, but now your path may be one that is not on it, but next to it.

Anyway, it's Friday and I will be happily doing homework in the library because I know that I have nothing else planned tonight. Maybe, just maybe, I'll remember to stop and relax to breathe and know that my God fights for me even when I am silent. 

"When we take that next right step, 
our one part of courage is met with a thousand parts of God's grace."
~Leeana Tankersley


Past Few Days to Now

These past few days have been exciting. I have seen a herd of Zebras as well as a million dollars. I've had some goofy but good late night conversations as well as some really eye opening ones. They've been just really, really good days. You need those every once in awhile. I think I forget their importance sometimes.

However, this morning I was looking at various school paraphernalia and really just didn't (read: don't) ....want to do it. It's a lot. 

Here is a test before school even begins, a next step and a chance to once again choose believe in Grace.


Going Back.......

Today is the day that I go back to school. Classes don't start for awhile, but there are some things that I need to do.

It's a day of mixed emotions. Being at home for a long time makes everything seem really far away, yet I know how much I do love my school and life in Bowling Green. Anyway, it is just one of those times in which I again ask God for the strength to simply face what I have to do--where I am called to be--not to mention packing up my stuff. The Lord is one who has great plans for me, and for you. He will not let us leave His wonderful care, because He is the ultimate One Who Loves. Time is short, and I will not waste it by not talking to Him.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, 
nor are your ways my ways, says the Lord. 
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, 
so are my ways higher than your ways 
and my thoughts than your thoughts." 

Isaiah 55:8

//Winterbreak thoughts...lesson on Want

Often when you learn lessons, they are the ones that you've heard over and over. And over and over. Hearing can be just surface level though.  Events and time just solidify them, thus, you've learned a lesson.

This time I learned that if you want something, you really have to go after it. "After it" as in it's a going towards, a chase, it's not going to just come to you. Make that choice, take that step, be slightly more aggressive than usual. People forget that aggression can be just as good as it can be bad. If the idea or dream is big enough, it will probably look ridiculous, upside down and be deemed "rebellious". Granted, those words may be right if you don't have the walk or passion or drive to back it up but, if you have the drive and remember you have a big God, people better watch out.


Reclaiming Your Tuesdays

Every Tuesday I run into our trash can. It never fails, no matter what I do or how many times I look behind me, I just don't see it.
This is one of the consistent happenings in my life.
On Tuesdays.

This is the day that one of my favorite authors (EmilyPFreeman'sBlog) says is one of the forgotten days that just gets lost in the week, book-ended by the dreaded Monday and half-way Wednesday.

As I think about what my Tuesdays look like when school starts back up, it looks pretty nonstop. Those nonstop days are good because I don't have to think as much, just do things, but they will be exhausting for sure. It's then when I will be challenged to practice having a good attitude, to be joyful, to not have a rushed soul and to release the stress of having to do things back to back to back.

When we give the Spirit more access to us, when we let Him take over our Tuesdays, I think we would be surprised at what happens. Tuesdays no longer have to be the way they are, the stuck in the middle day, I believe they have the potential to be really great.


Winter Break 2015

This winter break has not been good to me but has been good for me, if that makes any sense. It's been a time where I have rested my bruised body, heart and soul from the fall semester. You never realize that you're traveling at break-neck speed with little regard for yourself until you stop. Then it becomes painstakingly obvious, doesn't it?

Break after all of this...learning how to take some bad news, how to work and go to school and how to do things the wrong way...gave me a chance to practice how to rest and recover. Who woulda thought I'd realize that this is something that must be practiced...something sacred made sacred...
This is not just whatever flat version of "rest" that comes to the front of your mind, but the kind that involves giving yourself permission to not work till you drop, or to do those things that you really really love and want to do. It's this whole concept of giving yourself "breathing room".

I feel like rest is one of those subjects that is repeated a lot, but apparently it's repeated because nobody does it well. Do you?

Anyway, I can learn all I can about rest and such but if I can't learn how to survive this next semester better then it's all for nothing. Therefore, this semester I am going to make sure that I give myself some room to breathe, stretch my soul, delight in remembering home and look for beauty a little harder.