I Am Really Super Thankful

When it comes to true thankfulness, I realized that I am at a loss for words. Deep from the heart, I am humbled by my life.

I am thankful for the journey that God brings me on.

I am thankful that He calls me out on the water.

I am thankful that He gives and takes away.

I am thankful that He walks with me.

I am thankful that His grace covers me.

I am thankful that He's coming back.

I am thankful that He uses the good and bad things in my life to shape me.

I am thankful for how He breaks my heart with His love every day.

I am also thankful for my cat, dog, friends and family.





The Grace and Beauty of Not Being Okay

Recently I been figuring out what it means to really admit to myself that I'm not okay.
Because you know, sometimes I'm not.

There are things in this life that trip us up, that catch us off guard....that take our breath away. They hurt.

Some days, you think you're fine dealing with them. You've cried, mourned and moved on with life.

Then, it hits you all out of the blue. And you realize that you're really for sure not okay.

The interesting thing is that although you may not be okay, you can still be whole. It's like you got hurt in one place, the hardest and most painful place to get hurt, but can't get hurt there again. Just everywhere else. But no matter how you get torn up by the troubles and worries of this world, your heart will still be whole, protected. This is apart of the gift of grace...you're biggest problem is taken care of.

Your next step is to giving yourself over, surrendering like you never have before. It's scary because you are beginning to see less of yourself when you look in the mirror. Isn't that crazy?

All these images and pieces of your present swirling around.

Who's reflection are you going to eventually see?




Often, when I sit down to write, I have something to say, point out, or at the very least tell you what I've learned. However, this post is one that does that, but also is probably me thinking out loud.

But now I'm not sure what to say or where to start. So I'll start with last week. Last week was not a good week in my life because sometimes it's all just too much. Going to a mentor of mine was probably my best move--she did not give me advice, instructions or a list. She simply spoke truth into my life. Asking me questions--challenging me--"How is God wanting you to see the gospel more clearly in this situation?" (WHO knew that you could even ask that question? Sure we all know that the gospel relates to everything in our lives, but seeing it more clearly in specific situations? Life just got more real!) and "How is He re-forming your identity?". Questions like these are big, and answering them honestly can shake up more things in your life more than what is already happening.

Therefore, what to do with all of this? When truth is absolutely clashing with your previous beliefs?

The truth is, I can't actually tell you. This is something that you have to figure out for yourself.

Processing change takes time and cannot be rushed.

So step back, pray, take a deep breath and start to work through it.


The Truth About Humility



So you remember Solomon? How He prayed for wisdom and became a very wise man?
Well guess what? I've been praying for humility. Have I become a really humble person? Not by a long shot. However, after much prayer and a change of heart, God has taught me a lot about humility.

I've learned that it's less about how much you think of things and rather more about seeing things through God's eyes instead of your own. This changes things in your life, when you view them from a whole other perspective--not just simply the "less about you" that everyone talks about.

Praying for certain qualities--this is one aspect of prayer that people forget about, it sounds too good to be true. And selfish sometimes. However, if humility will enable you to do God's work more, why would He keep it from you? We know that God works for the good of those who love Him, and if you ask anything according to His will you will receive. Don't get me wrong--this is no prosperity gospel for you. God is the one who judges and knows hearts. He is the one who gives and takes away.
Therefore I encourage you to pray with a right and true heart about who you are striving to become--someone who looks more like Jesus. Don't underestimate the one who changes and works for you.

There is nothing about exalting God that should ever exalt us.



Learning Late...ly

So here's a list of things I've learned lately:

1) You don't have to be outside of your comfort zone all of the time.
Too many times we here "I have to be uncomfortable for things to happen" when really what we are saying is "I'm not doing enough". Lies and more lies. Yes, you do have to step outside of your comfort zone--a lot. But because the Lord knows what you need (often verses what is expected of you) more than you do yourself, you have to accept that, and what He's really calling you to do [or not do].

2) Preparation often hurts.
The Lord, being the one with the perfect timing, may start this process in you way before you even know what is going on. 

3) Productivity doesn't always refer to or depend on one thing.
Not just school work. Not just people. Not just trivial things. One of my text books described Type A personalities (something I suffer from, chronically) as those who are on a continuous race to do so much more in less time. I have to take a breath and realize that it can't all get done in one day.
4) Hebrew is a little bit more complicated than I previously though.

5) Real listening takes faith. The More Epic Truth About Listening

6) I don't have to like black coffee.
 Or even try to. I thought that was a goal that I had to work towards, because if you can drink black, often you can drink everything and anything. But it's hard, because it's gross, even working up to it. So one of my friends told me that I never had to like black coffee ever. Blew my mind.

7) God doesn't work in the ways that you think He does.
I know people say this, but I'm starting to realize He is more creative and direct and better than I though. And bigger, too.

8) Ministry is need based.
You do what is needed.
People ask me and wonder why I don't do things that have been done in the past regarding the prayer ministry at the bcm, and I really just want to ask them if they really know what they're asking.
9) Friendships can run deep.
Real deep. Like, being able to tell when someone is tired or sad or mad or doesn't want to talk or all of the above. And friendship is also not asking about something's, because you know they will either tell in their own time or it doesn't even need to be said.

10)  I'm still learning. And have a lot more to learn than I think.


The More Epic Truth About Listening

I'm starting to think that the reason people don't tell me some things is because they didn't know them in the first place. That would explain a lot.
Anyway, what I'm learning is that listening is a bit more of an in depth concept that I once thought. Everyone's like "I know it's hard--but just listen and be quiet and God will speak to your heart!".
I tried that. It didn't work. What was I doing wrong?
Maybe it was the fact that I was sitting back, expecting while all the while not giving anything, not being humble.
Not having faith.
What if this was more of your approach:
Listening, plus having faith.
Listening, plus being humble.
Listening, plus wanting and waiting.
Maybe it's a little more than you thought?