Wanna here a true statement?
God is sovereign.
So, so unbelievably sovereign.
This lesson was taught to me once again yesterday. It was one of those days when you wake up and know that the day is going to be harder than the rest. I felt like my mind was splattered all over the walls with all the was happening and all that I had to do.
Sometimes, it's just too much for you to handle. So, knowing that God would and would love to answer this prayer, I asked Him to sustain me (this is another thing God has become to me on  personal note--my Sustainer, the one person in my life who keeps me going). But the thing about this prayer is that I am learning to expect an answer. So many times we pray and end the whole thing with a period, instead of dot, dot dot....
And that's not what prayer really is. Prayer is something that brings forth action and results. So when I prayed, telling God I needed to be sustained, what did God do? He delivered.
The one thing that I was dreading turned good, and I made it through the day.
Even though the kid you are babysitting may drive you nuts after awhile, the little sigh she gives after collapsing on the bed after a pillow fight is something that God uses just to remind me of the gift of life, and all of the good things that are apart of it all, Him being worth all of me and my best.
All in all, it is SO easy for Him to just remind me of how good He is! I just don't understand how I forget when our God is THIS BIG!!!!!
Why do I still continue to focus elsewhere?
He even showed up yesterday in a nightlight. Even though it was a normal light bulb, the light shined through in the shape of a cross. I just got to sit and be reminded of the peace that I continually have in Him. 
Why do I continue to forget?
Please, go about the rest of your day remembering and praying through it all.


What REAL Community Is

There is a lot of talk now days about Community, which can be defined as
"...a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals...."

From what I've seen, people tend to over-glorify this community, even the community of believers. We all do this together, do that together, we're all building community......

What I'm learning though, is what REAL community is. Real community is meeting together for the sake of one person even when your tired. It's accepting the person who comes over for a long period of time without an invitation. It's driving someone home even though you just want to be home. It's picking up (or pinning down) that kid who is crying for the fifth time that night. It's paying for someone who didn't bring their money. It's coming home and living with people even though it may drive you nuts.

Real community is difficult. 
It's a lot harder than I originally thought, and much harder than I was told.

How am I supposed to stick through this?


Then I'm reminded of the need, the what happens
when it begins to feel like the world is caving in. The surrounding of friends and comfort and peace because you are simply together.


Often this atmosphere is there but you are too wrapped up in your own issues or you are just really frustrated and tired (kinda like I am right now, haha) and you simply wonder what real community is supposed to look like in the midst of different situations.

Is your membership in the communities you are in worth it?


Dream Big, Pray Big

One thing that I have been learning lately is that we unintentionally use prayer to effectively put God in a box.
Ever think of that?

If our God is the God that created the universe, and is bigger than the biggest thing you can imagine, shouldn't our prayers be the same?

If we really believed He is that big, then why do we still pray small, vague prayers? I mean, why? Why pray if it's something that you are sure that you can do, or at least do with a little help from God? That's called not being dependent, or just talking to yourself.

So, armed with knowing that our prayers should match the size of our God, practice making your prayers BIGGER than anything you can do in this world--because it's not about you or dependent on you, remember? (Ephesians 2:4-10).  Also, be aware of quick, limiting words that you may pray unknowingly.

Because God shows up in our every day life, we have to learn to not be afraid of the big things He is capable of in our lives--He can move mountains and stars and hearts, and the great thing is, it's all for His glory.

I don't know about you, but I am still continuing to learn how much He cares for me, and prayer is one way that I can learn to love God more, my greatest calling in life.

When you pray big, God is honored, and in turn He honors big prayers.




Why am I all of a sudden more excited about my Honduras trip than I have been about anything since forever?

You wanna know?

You really wanna know?

Because I know God is just going to show up--BIG.

Really, really BIG!

He may do this with thunder and lightning, a whisper that is really soft or anything in-between, but either way it's God, so it's BIG.

Somebody asked me the other day if I would have ever thought that I would be going out of the country this summer for a mission trip. I told them that this summer has more to do with God's timing then ever before. I have undergone so much spiritual growth lately that I now know and personally understand (not to mention embrace!) that He knows what I need. I am ready to be all in and take a cliff-jumping leap of faith because I've seen the results of coming out of the refining fire. It's a catalyst for a faith that resembles a climbing, growing and changing fire.

Anyway, going all in is the only way to do it with Jesus--there is no in-between.

 Even though it's going to be really hot ( I seriously hate the heat) and really challenging, I just want to show others the joy I have in Jesus, because nothing compares--everything else is a loss compared to Him (Phil. 4:7-15)

I can't wait to learn more and live that out.


So Far, So Fast

So I'm back.
School's out and I'm home.

Once, a long time ago, I was worried about this transition back to a new way of how things used to be, but God has soothed that worry wound. Now it's just a mix of the patterns of old, a new me and new responsibilities. Some days I am just content to sit here on my bed and type, watching my cat stretch. Other days I want to text someone for a random prayer walk around campus accompanied by Starbucks or smoothies.

Being back makes me realize the speed at which I was going. Who knew you could go so fast? Or grow so far? This summer will be at a different pace, a time that will teach me an prepare me for much of next year.


What it's Cost Me...if it Matters

I look back at my life. Short as it may be, I have seen the dramatic transformation I've undergone under the guiding hand of my Maker. If I can come as far as I have, turned around from the heartbreak and brokenness I've experienced, then anything is possible.

Having a heart for the Lord teaches me that every broken piece of my past, my present and my future are all just songs of praise for Him. The fact that I was hurting then doesn't really even matter knowing what I have now.

The cost? Everything I had built my life around--what I considered me.

The result? A fire in every fiber of my being for the One I want most and can never live without.


This New Joy That's Mine

If I had to think of an analogy to describe this year, it would be a tornado. A big one. Like an F5.

The beginning of the school year and even this past summer were just a struggle for me. When you don't understand anything about preparation, your life begins to fall apart [again], you are alone, don't know what you're doing, are scared and can't hang on anymore because everything you thought you believed is being challenged, something happens--the walls that so carefully guard your heart, fall.....you reach a new point of surrender. Something inside of you that knows you just do it by yourself anymore--and maybe you never could have in the first place.

God has changed my heart about so many things--basically everything. He has healed me from being someone who was broken and struggling to love even myself. Who knew distrust and the absence of loving could hurt you so much? However, the broken person that I was is no more, and I have grown so much and have been freed from so many worries and trivial things because I realized that they don't even matter. Only one thing does.

The great thing though, is that in our worst, dirtiest, broken state (everyday, right?), that is when He beckons us to the cross and reminds us that we receive so much grace because of His boundless love and goodness.
The best part of this year is that I have found an ultimate full satisfaction in my Savior, one that I have never experienced or had before. It's this joy that's

This is something that has changed my life, and will never, ever go away! No one can EVER steal my joy, because it is not dependent on any of my past, present or future circumstances--it depends on the everlasting majesty of my Lord. The beauty of this realization breaks my heart with its permanence.




Guys. My to-do list keeps getting pushed back. And back. And further back. This kind of stresses me out. However, I finally have gotten a few hints (aka learned the hard way) about time management, and what making good choices looks like.

I enjoy what I do, and I like being able to say yes to things that are good, and realizing that you must strive to live less like a list and more like a lyric. Live your art. Embrace this gift, called a new day, that Jesus has given you.

And then just enjoy life, because life is good.

Catch It and Let It Go

 Sometimes I look at the days, the ones of the recent past, the future days of this week, and wonder how I am going to do it. How can I make it? How much longer can I keep going like this? Where is my breath, because I certainly can't catch it.
But then, you're not really supposed to, are you? It's all about having joy in the moment. The joy that comes from Jesus, others, then you (J.O.Y., if you didn't catch that...). Joy about serving, joy about salvation, joy about the life you live. This is what I'm being challenged to live.

About this, as I've said before, God is changing my attitude...He's making it look more like His. This is a hard process, but I'm beginning to feel what it feels like to come alive when you're dying. As much as it hurts, every step of my fleshly death brings me closer to the Lord who loves me.

Hallelujah we have a King of Kings.



The Ache of Summer

I'm ready to go home.

The year is almost over and I am tired. I am working to get through all that I need to do as well as stay sane and remember to relax. You see, I have undergone so much change and transforming change this year (more than that is probably healthy in such a short time) that I just need to breath and digest it all. I really believe that this summer is one that is going to prepare me for the rest of my life. I get the chance to serve, to learn under mentors, discover more of what I'm called to do, learn how to output more, go explore the world, and learn what it is to fall more into prayer and the Word.

I just have to continue to love and live with my Lord as my Sustainer everyday, even while I wait.

At the cross He beckoned me
He drew me gently to my knees
I was so lost for words
I was so lost for words
I was sweetly broken
And holy surrendered