With the snow is starting to melt and above negative temperatures, one thing that has been on my mind is spring break. Anyone having scary flash backs yet? This year with my spring break, I'm going to Panama City Beach, FL on a mission trip to give crazy college kids pancakes and tell them about Jesus. I love Jesus, but I pretty much hate the beach. Sure it's beautiful, but the sun, sand and salt really bother me on so many levels. Anyway, because of the sand, heat, the most horrendous schedule for a morning-person-who-REALLY-really-needs-her-at-least-eight-hours-why-is-she-even-a-college-student-in-the-first-place, and simply the fact that I flat out don't like Florida right now, well....it's looking like a struggle. A big one. Actually, the thought of it has been SO big, it's caused a lot of unnecessary worry and frustration and too much bitterness to be experiencing at once, especially with everything else that is going on in my life.
When you experience this many frustrations, it causes you to question your mindset, the state of your heart and what motives you had in the first place. Working through this is something that you just have to work out with God--sometimes it looks like a struggle. Sometimes it looks like a fight.
On this journey of working through this though, I was asked a question, "Why are you even going to do this anyway?". Right then, without a doubt I had my answer. Telling people about Jesus, this relationship I have with Him, the Grace I experience on a daily basis, and the fact that they can have this to (independent of their works) is SO much more important than my discomfort. This puts it all into perspective--it is something that I'm simply called to do--regardless of anything else. Jesus calls us to go, but doesn't promise that we will come back to anywhere but our home in Heaven.
I don't post this to brag, or draw attention to what I will be doing soon, but instead remind you all and myself that doing things that seem like they may possibly kill you in a slow aching, painful way might actually help kill your flesh, highlight God's great Grace and gain many Salvations. It's all apart of the cost of following Him.
God has better timing than me.
That guys, is a fact.
And you know what?
Actually, it's wayyy better than okay.
Because God knows me, He knows when to give me things and when to take them away.
Granted, often we over spiritualism almost everything, but sometimes I just know that God
intentionally brings good out of what can be considered bad.
A lot of this I feel is His concern for my lack of focus--specifically my lack of focus on Him.
Even if my focus is on something good.
He's making known to me so much of my sin and so much of my idolatry.
My lack of trust is revealed, and trust is something I need.
I'm learning that there is a deeper part of trust--the kind that penetrates all parts of you, your insides and your outsides.
These revelations happen when yet again you are reminded that your role is apart of something bigger,
and for The One Who Is Great.
I am officially snowed in. I don't have classes allllll week. Which is good--everyone needs a break, but I also don't have a lot of homework. So what do I do?
I go and scrape the snow off my car. My poor car. So much snow. Normally, it just takes a ice scraper and a pair of gloves. This time though, I have those things and a broom accompanying me.
Taking the time to do this gave me some time to think, as well as work off a bit of frustration.
God has asked me to do some hard things this weekend. There's a lot going on at once.
Thoughts like "How can He--a good God--ask me to do so much?" ran through my head.
Of course, that one voice in my head reminds me that there is a cost to following Christ, and sometimes it gets bigger than you've ever experienced before. It also reminds me of the sacrifice Christ made--this weekend is really the least I can do because of the Grace that I have.
Hopefully, the snow can help put things into perspective for you, because now I'm realizing that's probably one of the reasons snow exists. It makes you ask yourself what's really important.
How many times in life do I have to step back and reevaluate what the heck is going on? Well, it would help if I did it more than I do.
These past three weeks have come at me faster than a bullet out of a gun--it only takes putting one foot in the current before you are all of a sudden in way over your head. Going at that speed without natural speed bumps in place, well, lets just say you don't end up where you need to.
That was just a lot of metaphors at once. Sorry.
Now though I am beginning to see exactly what trips me up, why I get the way I do as well as why I am where I am. A lot of it has to do with connecting with God. Am I doing that? Am I doing that intentionally? Why is pausing so important? I say to myself, "Don't you understand--the stress, worry and even the lack of sleep all come from missing, passing, going on without the One Who is Bigger Than You!
It sometimes takes stepping back. It sometimes takes leaving. It sometimes takes loosing. Specificlly, loosing your right mind
to realize who we are,
what we are doing,
and where we belong...
and that our story is bigger than us. All the time.