February 24th

My pace has changed.

Maybe it's just for today. I might [actually, will] be thrown into a crazy schedule tomorrow, but for today I will keep this peace I have.

I'm not sure what it is, but I woke up with this something that I can't describe. I feel so slow and so relaxed...it's crazy. Almost like I have a less aware sense of time right now.

The thing is, the day hasn't gone any slower--I have.

As long as it is taking me to figure out the words for this post, I realize that I must integrate this into my lifestyle. I look around me today and people are so hurry hurry hurry......even if they don't know it. Do you ever just sit at your chair for a minute after class? After a meal? I see so many people just get up and go and leave....

I don't want to be that person who is so distracted by time that I don't have time for the important things in life--people. And sometimes it takes a slow pace and many conversations to help you know this...and sometimes you just wake up and go about your normal routine without stopping to think, maybe my day shouldn't be normal...work smarter not harder, read, live, love pray....

February 27th
It has been a long time since I have had a day as jam-packed as today. Lots of stuff, back to back to back to back. It's all really neat things (except maybe my math class, math test and world civ class....) its just hard when you are missing an hour of sleep and are supposed to be working on ten other things right now instead of typing this post. This is such a stark contrast to Monday, as the paragraphs above re-account. Days like these are challenges--to lean on the Lord, ask Him for His strength, because I know today I have run out of mine. It's also about priorities, as I keep reiterating--make that quiet time a necessity (it is...or should be...)--and challenge yourself to make sure your priorities can interrupt your life.
I feel like you can be busy, but it's become detrimental when your soul is hurried. I had a hard time stopping today, even if I did have a short break. You need your heart to be quiet so that you can receive and listen and hear and learn and teach and give, love, and give love....when it's not--you're stuck. This business is showing me that I must slow down intentionally, even if it sometimes feels like when a super hero is stopping a train just by pushing up against the front of it only you're doing the same thing except you don't have super strength.....
The trick I'm learning is to maintain a heart and soul that is focused completely on God so that I can stay in this non-hurried state in the midst of and in spite of the craziness that threatens to drown me, because as soon as I take my eyes off of Him, I sink.

In it to End it

Modern Slavery:
30 million slaves world wide.
200,000 of them in America.
80% of them women.
50% of them children.
Whose the number one country in sex-trafficking?
The U.S.A.
Now, what are you going to about it when you walk way from this post?
Raise prayers.
Raise awareness.
Put a red "X" on your hand to raise awareness...you don't even have to do it today. The many different types of slavery are not waiting on you--they keep going on.
More info at:


When I Find Uncertainty

With some things anymore I just give up before it starts. No longer do I feel I have to have control, or really even want that. My God is enough, as He has clearly shown me lately. Now though, I have found myself again in an uncertain situation. I take a deep breath, think for a second, and for the first time in a long time--maybe the first time ever, who knows?--I just prayed. Maybe it was still tinged with some desperation, but PEACE was the one common theme. God has more than proven Himself to me (not like He has to anyway, you know...), He has gone beyond all that I could imagine, just like He does. This time is no different. Am I still slightly confused and tired of it all? Sure I am. But a verse I read this morning, Psalms 27:8, really allowed me to put things into perspective and is helping me learn patience. Not just normal patience though, the spiritual kind--the spiritual fruit.
"Wait for the Lord;
    be strong, and let your heart take courage;
    wait for the Lord!"

Psalms 27:8
 Break me down with your mercy
My God He's always going to be

Oh your cross, it changes everything

I am not skilled to know what God has willed what God has planned

Peace Rachel, peace, He says to me.

I will wait for Him.


The State of Your Soul

So the other day, I found out something else about prayer. I'm sure it has been said before, but I can't think of another way to say it--prayer is a state of the soul. It was early one morning as I was going to prayer meeting, where we pray, and I asked God to prepare me for this time. It was a prayer just said, nothing utterly super profound about it, and I'm not really sure what I was expecting.

The more you pray though, the more your belief increases. You just feel this close communion that you can't describe any other way. Well, it's one of those moments when your soul gets quiet. It is still. Resting in the present, where you are, with who you are. This is the time for prayer. When all the noise has gone out of you--when you are focused and can hear God speak, speak to your heart. It was then in that peace that I realized God had answered my prayer, one said only a few moments before. I never even realized how much I needed it too--the preparation to have a heart and soul of serious, wonderful prayer.

I also learned that prayer is supposed to be long. Long and all consuming...not that it can't be short, but a long prayer is a good prayer. One where your soul dives deep into the words in the Word and God's love and grace and protection.

Take this time you have after reading--I know you have some, it's just how you manage it--or another time this day to pray for a long time. As much as you want to--more than you want to. Just be able to sit in the presence of God, the Glorious One, and wait and be still and quiet.

"Instead, I am content and at peace. As a child lies quietly in its mother's arms, so my heart is quiet within me."
Psalms 131:2



Certain things are just clearly answers to prayers.

I was praying for something that would help to grow and fill me spiritually in the certain way in which I was feeling I needed. Really needed.

And you know what came along?

A dgroup.

I now have a discipleship group--girls my age who grow closer to God together.

It was an answer to one of my prayers that came on God's beautiful timing that is so far better than my own!

I really admire the seriousness they have about their faith and the bright smiles on their faces. They reminded me of the daily commitment that my faith--my Lord--demands of me.

Now, I've only technically meet with them for Bible study/group once, but it really doesn't take that long to understand a clear answer to prayer.

And you know, I had to wait for this group for a whole semester because of scheduling issues, but I also believe that it was God's timing--sometimes good things at the wrong time can turn out bad.

With this group of precious girls, although I had to do some waiting, I'm now ready for this level of intimacy with people and the Lord. In fact, I crave it. A few months ago, this would have come at a disjointed time.

A lot of things come at God's perfect timing, more than we probably think.

It just takes keeping an open eye and an open and seeking heart.

*And yes, I do love taking pictures of everything. You have no idea how much self control it takes not to post every good one of the many that I take.



By Casting Crowns

Here in this worn and weary land
Where many a dream has died

 Like a tree planted by the water
We never will run dry

So living water flowing through
God we thirst for more of You
Fill our hearts and flood our souls
With one desire

Just to know You and
To make You known
We left Your name on High
Shine like the sun made darkness run and hide
We know we were made for so much more
Than ordinary lives
It's time for us to more than just survive
We were made to thrive

Into Your word we're digging deep
To know our Father's heart

 Into the world we're reaching out
To show them who You are

So living water flowing through
God we thirst for more of You
Fill our hearts and flood our souls
With one desire

Just to know You and
To make You known
We left Your name on High
Shine like the sun made darkness run and hide
We know we were made for so much more
Than ordinary lives
It's time for us to more than just survive
We were made to thrive

 Joy Unspeakable, Faith Unsinkable, Love Unstoppable, Anything is possible
Joy Unspeakable, Faith Unsinkable, Love Unstoppable, Anything is possible
Joy Unspeakable, Faith Unsinkable, Love Unstoppable, Anything is possible
Joy Unspeakable, Faith Unsinkable, Love Unstoppable, Anything is possible

Just to know You and
To make You known
We left Your name on High
Shine like the sun made darkness run and hide
We know we were made for so much more
Than ordinary lives
It's time for us to more than just survive
We were made to thrive


We were made to Thrive



The Roommate


This is something that I know many of you all may have been following, but are having a hard time keeping up with. Trust me, I am having a hard time too. Anyway, this post is basically about a situation and a person who is an answer my prayers. Many prayers, actually, and many of your all's.

Long story short, I had three roommates last semester and just got a new one two weeks ago (that makes four). The first week I got back this semester, I was by myself in my room (which is actually more depressing than you would think). In looking for a new roommate. However, I got into several sticky situations that wore me out while in the whole process. I was trying to discern God's will, but failed to remember that I needed to take some initiative too. I have learned so many lessons from the overall ordeal, and it's really helped shape my faith and weed out the parts that were like dead branches--not producing anything.

So, during this time of stress I end up going and talking to this girl from my floor, Hailey, about rooming together. We start talking about roommate stuff and I discover that Hailey is the most chill person I now know.

Only a few minutes into the conversation, we figured out that our morning schedules are the exact same and we both like going to bed around eleven. It was then that I KNEW God had had Hailey picked out for me for this semester--the our whole conversation pointed to divine intervention. I could feel it and it felt right. So I acted.

Now that we have been roommates for the past few weeks, I've also been reminded of something else--don't ever put limits on God because He will just blow you away. All I wanted in a roommate with the many experiences that I've had is someone who will respect my sleep. But God being God, He goes so much further when He pours out His blessings. I LOVE rooming with Hailey--she's funny, talkative, gracious and lets me use her coffee maker. What else can I ask for? Because of her, I not only am able to be in a safe environment, get plenty of sleep and I get to live in God's abundant blessing Every. Single. Day. And I mean, what a daily reminder? I love how God surprises me and completely obliterates the box I put Him in. He is so good and I know He heard and answered all the prayers that were said. Thank you all for your support. I can't wait to see what He's going to do next.

p.s. I drew me and Hailey with sharpies on oranges and stuck them in her fridge...they're still there :)


A Day to Love and Love Well

Valentine's Day. This is something that I have mixed feelings about (hang with me here--I just have to get this out)...I think it's great to express your love and devotion to that one special person in your life--I have no problem with that. What I do have a problem with concerning Valentine's day is the fact that it's the only day of the year that red and pink actually match. Seriously, you can't wear them together outside of this day unless there is some really specific circumstance. It. Drives. Me. Nuts.

More than anything though, today is a day to bring us back to the love of our Savior. How great, how deep, how much is His love! Someone who loves me even when the majority of my steps send me sliding backwards than going forward. He loves at all times, even when I am so very vulnerable in my weaknesses and don't have the right words--if I have any--to say. He is there in His bigger plan for me, and loves me and holds me because I am so fragile.

When I really experience God's love, especially His love for me, it's something that takes my breath away...I am so overcome with how much it takes to love me, all of me, I can't even fathom how deep His love is............and I love it.

"Now to him who by the power at work within us is able to accomplish abundantly far more within us that all was can ask or imagine to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generation, forever and ever, amen."
Ephesians 3:20
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angles or demons, nor the present nor the future, or any powers, nor height nor depth, or anything else in all of creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:38



These past few months have been about learning what my priorities really are and should be.
These past few days have been about learning that my priorities don't have anything to do with my circumstances.
At all.
My priorities should be called priorities for a reason.

Simply stated your priorities have the right to interrupt your life.
Also, a step further, the more bold and outstanding and intrinsic your priorities are, the more they have the right to interrupt our lives. Why else are they called "priorities"?

When was the last time a certain so-called "priority" of yours interrupted your life?

Ask yourself the question too, does God have permission to interrupt your life?

 You all do know that this means your priorities (sometimes more often than not) will interrupt your work, right? Your school work (and I repeat--your school work), your paper work, your farm work. They will interrupt your family time, dinner table conversations, your Candy Crush game, the new episode of The Walking Dead, your to-do list, those errands you were going to go on....

Overall, having Christ as your number one priority in life will interrupt your comfort. A lot.

(Note to reader: My life is basically the definition of that last statement. You should ask me about it sometime.)

But there's no turning back.


Then God shows me more. He takes it one step FURTHER even though I could not have been at that point without His grace and guidance anyway. But God always does that, doesn't He? There's always one more step, one more opportunity to grow closer to Him, to step away from ourselves....

What I'm learning though is that:

Intentionality means taking initiative to act on your priorities.

And the truth is, I fail at this intentionality. This next step, this action. As much as I try...

The thing is though, it's not about me. At all. My Lord is my God and when He is first in my life, Ruler of my Heart, there is love and there is life and an overwhelming, fulfilling joy. All of this is what spurs he action. Taking care of people the way Jesus loves us and sharing with them the love that we have and are learning to abide in....it's kind of amazing.


Overflowing Art

I just realized the other day that I am about to embark on a very different next few months.
I can feel it underneath everything...it's silent, it's quiet and growing.
Something BIG is coming up and I have no idea what it is.

Other than my sixth-sense picking up something, I've noticed something else too. You know all the posts I do about letting go, surrendering and how much I epically fail at it? Well, I'm starting to believe I am at another point--the next step in my journey. I feel like God is more able to work through me more (the issue being me, not Him) instead of inspite of me, like how I normally feel.
And the thing is, it's more like He's overflowing from me, I feel it in the present and the future--His presence in me I am no longer able to hide! It's pouring, and the art of who He made me to be in Him just is incredible! With this new growth also comes growing pains and more issues to work though, which means a lot more prayer.

He left His perfection and fought for our redemption--how marvelous is His love!



Welcome Back


So here are some pictures of my first week back, along with some of my own commentary.

This is the LAMEST version of off-brand cereal names I've ever seen. It makes me mad.


It's on a door........?

Just think about it.....

Worst thing to buy ever: giant tub of Miracle Whip

Leaky cups....
I hate these things in stores....they kinda want to make me puke

BEST Poptarts EVER!

A dollar less than the great value brand, 5 more square feet and 100% recycled fiber. YES! :D





Supplication and Giving Up

Supplication. Asking for something humbly.
Surrender. Giving up all of yourself.

The more I go around and experience life, the more I realize how much it's important for me to surrender. To give Him all of myself. I know I say this a lot, but with all the things of this world vying for my attention, I know that God is the only thing that fills the hole inside of you. Then asking. I always ask for His will to become mine, because that's the only thing I really want and I know I need.

He's the one thing that's bigger than all those weird moments, emotions you feel, days you have, hard circumstances and times of joy.

"This is the Lord's doing; it is marvelous in our eyes. Today is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!"
Psalms 118:23-24


In Threads of Everything

I was driving home this weekend and saw the landscape transform from brown trees to ones coated with ice. It really took my breath away, how the ice sparkled in the sun (which was actually out)....my first thought was that "The sun is out and the Son is alive." This expression of God's glory just reminds me that there are threads of reflection of our Lord in every good thing.


 "Every generous act of giving, with every perfect gift, is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change."
James 1:17





The Right Foot

Guys, I've thought of so many different ways to start this post. From my last few posts, I know that you all may be confused. (heck, I'm confused!) but now I have some explaining to do. You see, I fell into a trap. What was that trap? Me. Me and my selfish desires. If you haven't noticed already, my second semester of my freshman year of college didn't start out on the right foot. At all. Actually, these past two weeks have been kinda rough. Really rough actually. And I just now have figured out why. Seriously, I haven't been able to put words to it until now. It all started because I came in with so many expectations in place for this semester. Expectations that the only thing different would be my schedule and maybe me being involved in a few more things.

Boy, was I wrong.

I was wrong about everything (not like that's anything new).

Oh, yes. Everything.

Me. Them. It. My schedule. My role. My major. My part to play.
All of it.

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
Should I stumble again Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

And the biggest problem? I stopped seeking my Lord and my God because after break I thought things would just resume--good habits picking up where they left off. I didn't mean to stop seeking Him, it just kinda happened. That's the dangerous part--it just happening. In reality, I guess I should have seen it coming earlier...I felt the signs and symptoms. Tiredness, extreme lack of focus, stress and a bunch of unnecessary negative emotions and frustration. This is what happens when you narrow your vision to only you. I somehow forgot about the only reason I even get to live--my Jesus.
Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame
But these past few weeks I've finally figured out what the problem was--

I stopped seeking, and expected receiving.

This is explained by something simple such as place--when your place changes, your habits change--your routine, all that keeps you grounded. When you aren't prepared for this change and don't anticipate it--it breaks. Breaks all that you worked to build.

So many questions ran through my mind when I realized what I had done, or rather, not done:

Why was I still searching like my God is not enough?

What else in the world can I run to?

How did I forget my passion?

What have I become?

How did I end up here?

Am I really so easily tricked?

Does this count as failure and sin?

In my heart, in my soul I give you control
Consume me from the inside out
Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the
inside out

I feel like the bigger question I ask myself now is

How do you forget grace?
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring you praise
From the inside out,  Lord my soul cries out
From all this pain and hardship I take the knowledge that my journey of faith and seeking God has NOTHING to do with my circumstances, and I strive to have a passion that reflects that as well as rejoices in the worst possible happenings because God's goodness will be shown indisputably.
This love that's growing inside me just keeps getting bigger...now I act.
 Come,” my heart says, “seek his face!”
    Your face, Lord, do I seek.
Psalm 27:8 
"For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace."
Romans 6:14
"When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart..."
Jeremiah 29:13


Well Now I Know

When someone says something to you, it may sound like a compliment. In this case, I guess it was. However, it really made me realize the call to action that I have been assigned. I have an amazing opportunity to help other people grow--and grow big time. Granted, growth does often take some small steps around the cliff, but sometimes you just need someone to push you off a cliff. Any cliff will do. Maybe that means public speaking, doing what you normally don't, telling someone how you really feel, being honest with others or taking the initiative to reach out.
THIS is what I've been missing out of these past two weeks! Where did my energy, my effort, how I used to give wholeheartedly and invest and pour, where did it go? So many months ago I was alive and I was doing that--but back here, still some unfamiliar situations that can be kinda scary, I need to take that next step.
Where have I been sleeping? I mean, where did I GO? Alone. By myself. Immersed in my issues. Struggling to trust God instead of accepting His grace with open hands. I am so, so glad that my God is a God of so much mercy! Oh, how much do I need! My focus disguises itself. I think I'm focused on Him, but in reality I am focused only on what He can give me or what He isn't. And that's where it alllll starts--on the inside of the sinful you.
So to change this, I will begin to bring myself back. A new self maybe, but someone who cares and who isn't trapped in the mundane cycle of things and the things that are not. I refuse to sit by and let that happen anymore. I need to wake up, step up and reach out. I know it will hurt, but it will hurt worse if I never move at all.

"So it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God who shows mercy."
Romans 9:15

"And the word became flesh and lived among us, and we have seen his glory, the glory of a father's only son, full of grace and truth.....from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace."





I Ran Out Of Words

Some days you just run out of words.

And honestly, I am tired of writing for the present time. You see, when you are involved in so many things or have a busy schedule and you give so much of yourself into other things, people and events, you don't have much left over or any words to write with. Since words aren't designed to stress people out like I'm feeling, I won't be writing for awhile. I may post a draft or two, but I've gotta say, I'm out of the game for now.


My Words, His Words

Words are so superficial. I feel like as much as they can unleash so much heart, they also inhibit us, like that one thing on the floor in our rooms that we always trip over.

--and I now you can always go back and edit writing, but you all have no idea how many times I have to stop writing and act fast--my pasta almost boiled over. I had to dive to save it. Sigh.--

Anyway, words are just hard to get out. Now I am trying to figure out the connection between what you feel, what you need to say, when to say it, and if you should say it at all....

Do you wait for courage to come, or is saying/doing something when you don't feel courageous the real definition of courage? And what's right and wrong in the middle of it all?

This post starts off a new month, one of about more unknowns than I've ever had to deal with on a daily basis. Actually, I feel like most of my months start out like that, and transform from their. My daily prayer is asking my God to lend me some of His perfect strength.

Lord I need you, Oh I need you
Every hour I need you

I want my words to be His words, His heart my heart and His will, my will.