Stead·fastadjective \ˈsted-ˌfast also -fəst\
a : firmly fixed in place : immovable
b : not subject to change <the steadfast doctrine of original sin — Ellen Glasgow>
: firm in belief, determination, or adherence : loyal <her followers have remained steadfast>
"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and steadfast spirit within me."
This is what I want. A steadfast spirit that is steady according to God's word and life, focused and remaining consistent during trials, and growing every chance it gets.
Right now my faith is being tested. It's being moved, and molded and pruned. It's being put through the fire in a kiln (hopefully to come out like something pretty) to refine and refurbish. I fell the burn. And the stretch. I know it's good for me, but this is a lotta change at once. Even physically my body is changing (**as I cringe at those words. Ick**) to absorb and adapt to the stress. I think I even look older too...not sure how that happened...
Anyway, I knew I was going to change, but I never expected to change in the exact ways I have...this change is more than just growing up, it's about who you are and stepping outside of the roles you normally play. It's learning yourself all over again. I never knew how hard that could be. I mean, you are yourself! Senior year was change enough--I got to know myself more and develop, but this, this is crazy stuff here...I don't even know what to do anymore. I don't really want to know what to do now anyway, I want God to have the say on that matter, even if it's just on the "how".
One things for sure, I am so NOT the person I was three years ago...and that's a good thing. Maybe I'll say that again in three years. I just want to be closer to God, no matter what else in the world happens.
Turn, O Lord, save my life; deliver me for the sake of your steadfast love."
| Psalm 6:4|
"Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love..."
"Because your steadfast love is better than life..."
Maybe Starbucks once a week will help me gain a steadfast spirit....