Life Submerged

When you're underwater you enjoy the silence, the peace. You feel the water completely swallow you, the feeling of it cool against your skin. It's motion is slow, and it rocks you back and forth. It's like your suspended away from the chaos.

Often people will go to far away remote places to find themselves, but my journey has begun away, and has been gaining speed and realizations while I'm home. I didn't have to go anywhere, just come back. This highlights the differences that had occurred. The whole time I've been undergoing all this change, I've been surrounded by so many people. New friends, old friends...all just people.

Right now, living at home, I've started to see not only how much I'm different and how much I've grown up, but how much I'm still continuing to change. I'll never be the same and I'll never fit back in the way I used to. Thank goodness. It's taken a lot of working through the present and the past to be able to break through these barriers that have held me captive for so long! Gone is the striving to meet impossible expectations and worrying what people think of me relative to if I reach them (like it even matters) and the wondering of what happens it I fail or if it's not good enough (those used to be the same thing)! I'm done with it. I'm too different and too much in love with my God for me to let those rule my life like they once did. He loves me for me, not for my abilities. He loves me despite the overwhelming fears I face and feel and all the times I've failed and will fail. He loves me.


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