I realize that I can't go any further without prayer.
Prayer is a time when you open your heart to realizing that you want so much more of him.
And boy, did I not understand how much I was going to need Him today.
My day honestly started out good. I was excited about the possibilities of today, just a slow day at home to get my extensive to-do list done and relax in the fact that I am loved and am alive. I tell you, my mindset has changed since I've come back from college. Maybe it's the fact that chaos is expected at school, it's your chaos, and yours alone, and is somewhat controlled by your choices. I began to really see how much you can do in one day, the potential of it all! But being back home, I was reminded about how hard I can be hit, how easy it is to knock me off my game. It's so easy to fall.
"Keep hold of instruction; do not let go; guard her, for she is your life."
Working on my list, I found out several things that just threw me for a loop. Sad and discouraged, I became frustrated, and even more frustrated at my inherent helplessness. My future is as sticky as melted marshmallows and as jumbled as pieces of two different jigsaw puzzles mixed and covered in glue. As I have said in other posts, that I am okay with this--this not knowing. However, you run into a confusing situation when you're trying to make choices for your unknown future. How human nature just confines sometimes.
But then again, we just don't see the bigger picture.
All that God has planned...wow. I am finally starting to understand how much God is going to blow me away with how He's going to use me.
I got a letter back from someone the other day, and as someone rooted in her faith, she reminded me that it's important to cling to God and His promises to us.
"No distrust made him [Abraham] waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised." Romans 4:20-21
Then I cam across this verse:
"Commit your work to the Lord and your plans will be established. The Lord has made everything for its purpose, even the wicked for the day of trouble."
Again, so completely relevant. I realized that before I go and make all these plans, I need to commit my work, my art, to the Lord. It needs to be His before I begin. Before I start something and let the success or failure get to my head. Before I run out of time to prepare myself to control my pride. Before I get stressed, before I loose focus. I. Need. Him. SO. Much. Therefore, my plans are His before they are made.