The problem: you don't fit where you used to.
The habitual old routine, the same role, the regular people, the normal activities...it just doesn't work. Your perspective is different, you are different. To come back and be swept away in all of what was normal...you have close your eyes and remember who you are now--who you've become.
I guess I never realized how simple it would be just to slip back into how things were....how tempting...because it's safe, you know it and what to expect, you can do it....
I do know if I allowed myself to do that wouldn't feel the same--things may be the same...you aren't the same.
Anymore, I'm not exactly sure of what I'm getting myself into...or what I'm doing with myself. Maybe that's a good thing...I have to allow God to use me, all of me.
I want to be one of those people who is unapologetically themselves. I want to be confident in myself, me and my decisions. I want to be confident that God's grace covers all my weaknesses and my mistakes, my failures and my short comings. All those conversations that didn't go that well, those times when I realize that I should have done something different....I have to believe that God is bigger than any trouble I can cause...He has to help my unbelief.
"Immediately the father of the child cried out, I believe! Help my unbelief!"
Mark 9:24
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