Sometimes I just get SO mad. Why? Because there is too much of myself in me. Too much. All the time. All over the place.
Where's God? Why can't I seem to scoot over and let Him reign?
I. Just. Can't. Do it sometimes. It's a control issue. And it drives. Me. Nuts.
Here's all this progress, here's all this struggle, then for what? Me to get distracted and worry about everyone else, and how they view me? Is my transformation so easily destroyed? I thought it was supposed to stay!
And it doesn't even matter about the progress sometimes--just that I cling to God. I just get in my way all of the time! How am I supposed to go about ridding me of myself, my sinful flesh? It tears and bites and comes back toward me every time I push it away. The more I realize my need for God, the more I see the destruction my flesh causes, how it's not good for me or other people, much less pleasing and glorifying to God. It's almost like the way I see things now is in high contrast mode. The only reason I appear a cleansing white is because I have the Spirit in me. The more I begin to see the bigger picture, the more it seems to all come back to salvation.
"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the sharing of his sufferings by becoming like him in his death, if somehow I may attain the resurrection from the dead."
"...for it is God who is at work in you, enabling you both to will and work for his good pleasure." Philippians 2:13
"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves."
"Christ...emptied himself, taking the form of a slave...humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death--even death on a cross."