Back...Next to the Track

I have a break between classes right now, which is currently being used for a time of reflection. This past week has been hard. A different type of hard than the week before, or the one before that. My week in a word? Overwhelmed. This spring time around is one in which I have the hardest classes I've had yet and a greater awareness of the responsibility and role that I have than ever before. Some days it just hits you. After moments like those, the day becomes more of a battle. The [very] small conscious part of your mind that is always sane is reminding you that it is a choice (your choice nonetheless) to become bigger and rise above than your not-so-great attitude and frustrating feelings. However much this may have been  going on (Still current? Probably...), God has shown up. He's spoken through groups of people, through the answered prayers of me asking for divine understanding of Hebrew (which I now know is the only way to really ever understand it), divine appointments with special people, surprising conversations and even the fact that sometimes He literally schedules things for me. I'm not even kidding. 

I really want to cry tears of joy for the simple fact that it's the weekend and that I made sure that although I have a few things to do, this weekend will be about resting, preparing and rebuilding. 

I still feel like that person who has no idea what the heck she's doing, but I'm starting to think that that may be something that doesn't change. Some of you may protest at this (because maybe sometimes I appear to look like I know what I'm doing), but this statement is reinforced that by the fact that I was late to one of my classes on the very first day (Why Rachel Who is Rarely Late But Is Late This Time Story #295). This semester has already been a lot about discovering that the me I thought I was going to be is a lot different than reality. It is like realizing that in the past you were on track, but now your path may be one that is not on it, but next to it.

Anyway, it's Friday and I will be happily doing homework in the library because I know that I have nothing else planned tonight. Maybe, just maybe, I'll remember to stop and relax to breathe and know that my God fights for me even when I am silent. 

"When we take that next right step, 
our one part of courage is met with a thousand parts of God's grace."
~Leeana Tankersley

1 comment:

  1. I'm just now reading this and I probably should've read it sooner. and ya never know where God is gonna show up.