This is what I have learned today though: My Lord and my God is a Sustainer.
The fact that I have made it this far today is a miracle, though this is nothing short of anything Christ does for me on a daily basis because of the fact of His immeasurable grace.
In the process and middle of all the impromptu chaos, my Lords has been good and answered so many of my prayers. One thing that I have realized is that when you pray for gospel-centered conversations, He answers them in so many unexpected ways. These past few days, I've had conversations about everything from how you use your gifts to glorify God to the importance of a friend's accountability when it comes to boys, and how it's not about the choices in the future, it's about how you can glorify God right there and now.
Through these tangible answers, I have begun to learn more about myself, and why I have the reactions to certain things that I do. The more I realize how much I still continue to live for me, the more I realize what an enemy the flesh is! All the more reason to kill it!
But killing the flesh, oh it hurts so bad! But what is really hurting? My flesh, not my spirit. I am learning to rejoice in these hard times and hard choices that I have to make. All the time I am learning to deny myself for the sake of Christ, His sacrifice and His work in me. I have to remember that He left His perfection and embraces our--my--rejection.
"More than that, I regard everything as LOSS because of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and now regard them as rubbish...I want to know Christ and the POWER of his resurrection and the sharing of his sufferings by becoming like him in his death, if somehow I may attain the resurrection of the dead."
"Therefore do not loose heart. Outwardly we are wasting away, but inwardly we are being renewed day by day, for these slight and momentary troubles are preparing for us an eternal weight of glory that is beyond all measure."
2 Corinthians 4:16-17