It's really funny what can happen in one weekend.
I get to say, after this weekend, my Lord is BIG, ACTIVE and ALIVE in me and the world I'm in.
God has been teaching me a lot lately. He's changing my attitude, my heart and all of my desires, bringing me closer to Him, one moment at a time.
It hurts. A lot. Sometimes more than I would like to admit to myself. He just breaks me, so He can have all of me and transform me from there.
One thing I went into this weekend with was thought of big prayers. BIG ones. Praying the ones that you think are impossible. The more I learn about prayer is that yes, God answers prayers (my life and I are living proof of that), but He kinda takes His own route. Praying for something big may not look big on the outside--it may be big on the inside. It may not even come in large flashing lights. Lava is a good metaphor. Something slow, that you can't always see on the surface, but can't stop the effects of once it's moving. This is often how God works. The thing is, when God works to change hearts, it's is a slow process sometimes, and it takes awhile for it to show how it's supposed to. But God, He has His ways. We just need to step out of the way and let Him work, and not depend on measurable results.
I also learned something that I probably should have long ago. I do not need a specific people group to reach out to, I do not need a heart for a specific place to go spread the gospel or work with. I need a heart for ALL PEOPLE, lost or saved, black or white, Spanish or German, virgin or not, handicapped or whole, boy or girl, gay or straight, damaged or fine, Pashtun or Chadian, Shelbyville or Princeton.............
With my everyday life, my job is to leave a legacy. One pointing back to Christ.
This is what I remember when school gets in the way, when there is no name for feelings I feel, when I am so confused, when I fail, when I'm late to class and blank on a test, when I take on too much to do, when I miss my family or my pets, when I trip and scrape my knee. This redeeming love is something I can no longer contain.
Romans 6:17-19, 2 Corinthians 5:17
My should cries out, holy, holy
My heart is lost in your beauty
All hope is found in your mercy
You paid the price
So I am finally free!