Thinking of Honduras #4 Comming Ready

If you haven't caught on already, I'm writing my thoughts down about Honduras. Of course I'll post and inform everyone about after the trip, but sometimes the pre-thoughts are missed. Isn't part of the purpose to look back and compare the you of then to the you of now? And I'm really excited. And I think about it a lot. Not that much, really, but I'm leaving in a few days, so I'd better be thinking about it!


Really guys, my life just takes a lot of processing. All day long, sometimes. This is kinda what my blog helps me do. I start off writing a post and realize that God is teaching me specific things specific to me that I had to write to find out.

Anyway, back to Honduras.

I'm so ready to be there.
I'm so ready to sink into the Word in a whole new way--living it, reading it and breathing it.
I'm so ready to be home--in my Lord's arms wherever I am.
I'm so ready to sink into Him and let Him renew me, because believe me, I am tired.

Bring on the hardness of this life, for I am being prepared by my Holy Maker.

Let me go to the place I need to be, for I am ready to begin!

 

Thinking of Honduras #3 Only a Week of My Life

When something big is coming, sometimes everything else begins to look a lot smaller compared to it. This is what I'm feeling like right now, along with trying to balance every other thing that I do. Which is a lot. There is so much expectation that comes with it all though, which makes life slightly more disorganized.

The thing is, it's only a week of my life. Sure it's another country, but people travel all of the time. However, from my experience, mission trips are times when God reveals things to us that would normally go unseen in daily life. He also uses them to remind us of His power and provision. These trips are a lot of spiritual growth  and action that are much needed, all packed into a week. So yeah, maybe it is only a week. But in special circumstances life looks different and different things happen.

Thinking of Honduras #2 My Thoughts

Recently, I have had two realizations when it comes to thinking about Honduras.

One is working through a worry:
What if I don't come back?

What would happen if I was called to stay? I am at the point now where I would know better than to disobey God if my heart really knew where He wanted me. I've done this before and it never, ever, turns out well.

But that would mean leaving, or taking a temporary longer stay....

Wait. Why would I count going where I am called a loss? Isn't what the Lord provides so much substantially more that what we [our flesh] want, know, or consider safe? And what ever happened to Philippians 3:7-15?  What the heck?

Anyway, this fear is no longer a fear because I now understand that I am very well taken care of by someone who is a Caretaker. And I want to be where ever He wants me to be. :)



Secondly, I am so unbearably excited about this trip that I'm having a hard time thinking of anything else that has ever gotten me so excited. :)

Thinking of Honduras Post #1: How Can I Go?

I don’t feel special.

I don’t feel brave, just the opposite.

I don’t feel good enough. Or good at all.

I don’t feel rested enough.

I don’t feel clean, and I know I don't have a right and clean heart.

I don’t even feel prepared. Part of me doesn’t even want to go prepare, I just want to go.

Sometimes, I don’t even feel loved.

I still get jealous, say impossibly mean things, and groan about anything called work.

I still get easily frustrated and confused.

I am still broken.

I still get distracted by people.

I am not humble.

I still resist the very one who seeks to reach my heart with His love.

I am still just me.

 Notice how all the sentences start with the word “I”? You see my problem?

I must learn to trust the unseen and know that I am never alone, no matter what state of mind I am in. You see, God can still use me like this. As selfish and distraught as I am on a daily basis.

Yet how hard is it for me to type these words, knowing the state of my own heart? How can I go serve like this? How can I love? Why does He still want me to go? Surely God can do it better on His own, without me…

At the same time, He is my life, the very thread that keeps me from caving in on myself. How can I forsake my first love? You see, I can’t afford to, knowing me. There is no possible way I can go a day without Him.  

                                And so I won’t.


I will continue to run and step and stumble to Him even when it feels like I am waist deep in mud and still slipping backwards. His love, the one thing that simply drops me to my knees, is just as irresistible as it is hard to receive. I am SO not worth any of it, and we all know this. But this is why I go.

 

 

 

 

Some Kind of Apprecaition

 

With this post I have struggled with the words to put it together. After many false starts I just decided to write.

It all started when I was outside the other day. I just sat there and let myself soak in the beauty that was around me.

How often do we do this? How often do you do this?

 

Sometimes this stopping and looking feels too indulgent, too good. How can this be? Since when did marveling and tapping into the deep appreciation that we can have become something we don't do that often? Or feels like it's too good?

Too many times I hear "Well, we're only human," and people continue to make it an excuse, all this talk of human limitations!

No, no, no!

 

The more I realize about life, the more I see it is about taking action and going after something, not the wrong thing of course, but doing things to bring about change. Here's a goo summation:

"If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else. It will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them."

~Bruce Lee

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Doing Things I Love

 

These few short weeks of summer have reminded me of something important: myself. Who I am. Not that this past year hasn't taught me that--I've learned more about myself this year than my whole life--but while I was discovering new things I forgot the old things. All the things that I like to do.

~I love painting and even love getting paint on me.

~I like running [short] distances on dirt paths covered by trees and sitting and watching water.


~I like walking barefoot on down shallow creeks.


~I really like receiving children's artwork. :)

 

~I really like the band FM Static and ones similar to them.


~I love community service.


~I love riding my bike.

 So maybe I knew this, but I forgot how much I LOVE doing these things.
It's scary how easily we forget things, about others and about ourselves.
It's scary because it's dangerous.
It helps to remember Jesus, and how He has used the me of my past and is transforming the me of now to make the me of my future.
That's going wayyyy back.
But maybe not that far, maybe not as far back as you think....

What is it that you have forgotten about yourself and how are you going to get that back?

Anticipation

One thing that I have begun to notice is that half of life involves anticipation.


In your schedule, your work, your life, all of it.
Now, this is not the same as knowing what to expect or the details of it all, but simply being aware of the change.
From this I've found that one of the most dangerous places you can be is in a place where you know something is different, but don't confront the difference.


Just look. Just be observant. Just acknowledge.