This New Joy That's Mine

If I had to think of an analogy to describe this year, it would be a tornado. A big one. Like an F5.


The beginning of the school year and even this past summer were just a struggle for me. When you don't understand anything about preparation, your life begins to fall apart [again], you are alone, don't know what you're doing, are scared and can't hang on anymore because everything you thought you believed is being challenged, something happens--the walls that so carefully guard your heart, fall.....you reach a new point of surrender. Something inside of you that knows you just do it by yourself anymore--and maybe you never could have in the first place.

God has changed my heart about so many things--basically everything. He has healed me from being someone who was broken and struggling to love even myself. Who knew distrust and the absence of loving could hurt you so much? However, the broken person that I was is no more, and I have grown so much and have been freed from so many worries and trivial things because I realized that they don't even matter. Only one thing does.

The great thing though, is that in our worst, dirtiest, broken state (everyday, right?), that is when He beckons us to the cross and reminds us that we receive so much grace because of His boundless love and goodness.
The best part of this year is that I have found an ultimate full satisfaction in my Savior, one that I have never experienced or had before. It's this joy that's

deep

 

deep

 

deep

 

deep.

 

 

This is something that has changed my life, and will never, ever go away! No one can EVER steal my joy, because it is not dependent on any of my past, present or future circumstances--it depends on the everlasting majesty of my Lord. The beauty of this realization breaks my heart with its permanence.